Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I'm Thankful for...

My miscarriage. 

That may be strange to say, but really, both Caleb and I would not be where we are today without it.  Let's look:

- I would never have lost 53 pounds.
- I would not be working at my job and meeting new friends there.
- I would not have found the BEST OB/GYN ever!!
- Caleb would not have gotten to meet his son/daughter until 5 months old.
- Caleb would not have gotten to be around for the pregnancy (appointments, feeling kicks, etc)
- I would not be eating as healthy as I am now.
- My blood pressure would not be AMAZING (116/54).
- Caleb and I became closer because of it.
- My faith got stronger because of it.
- My friendships grew because of it.
- Caleb and I would not have gotten to do some of the things that we have done recently.
- I would not be enjoying this pregnancy as much without it.
- Certain things in life would just not have meant as much without it.

Thank you, God, for giving me Hope even if just for a short time.  You had a plan for me before I was ever born, and I'm so thankful!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13 (NIV). 

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Wow!! I am SUPER bad at blogging!!

Just because I want to say it, "Oops, I did it again!"  Haha!!  But really, with everything else going on in my life, I am extremely terrible at keeping up with writing on here.  I only wish I could be as good about doing projects and writing a blog as Adrien is... and she has 2 kids!!  But anyway, I must catch you up, but I'm not going to tell you what has happened in the past month... I'll just start here:

I'M 12 WEEKS 2 DAYS PREGNANT!! 

Wow, it feels REALLY good to get that out in the open.  But, please do not blab that on Facebook.  I'm not ready for the general public to know that yet.  That will probably happen around 16 weeks when I've passed the time when I miscarried last time. 

How am I feeling you ask?  Alright.  I had my usual aversion to chicken (just like last time) at the beginning.  Now, I am LOVING chicken and really turned off by beef.  Also, I swear my kitchen stinks.  I don't know where it is coming from and I don't know what it is, but it is bothering me!!  Someone with another sensitive nose, please come over to my house and help me try to find it!!  So, back to how I'm feeling... and how I felt in the beginning: I threw up four or five times in the morning when I was around 7 weeks, but now I've been able to keep things down and I've actually been pigging out.  Crap, I'm going to get fat!!  We went to Las Vegas when I was 10 weeks.  It was a great vacation... and I got to miss a week of work!  But, oh, the plane rides were horrible (except for one)!  Other than that, my boobs hurt and I'm INCREDIBLY tired.  Plus, recently I think my uterus has started stretching, so I'm in a little pain (which the nurses assure me is normal).  All of this is awesome and I'm happy... but truthfully I'm scared to death after my miscarriage last year.  So, this news will not be public knowledge until 16-20 weeks (basically when I can't hold it in anymore or else I will POP!).

This is really the only new news that I have.  I will post my 6 week ultrasound picture on here later.   I'm really hoping I can get some good sleep sometime soon... between the dog jumping on the bed when she's not supposed to and getting up to pee, the night is just too short!  I hope you all are doing well!  Until next time... 

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's been a while!!

Well, it has been 11 months since I last posted. A lot has happened since I was 14 weeks pregnant. Ready for it to all be laid out for you? Okay, here I go:

October: 10/5/09: I miscarried at 16 weeks. I was talking to Caleb on the computer (on the Sunday before) and when I went to the bathroom, I was spotting. So, I called the nurse help line at the hospital on post and she said to come right in. They did blood tests and they found the heartbeat, so I was at ease. But, they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next day. So, when I went in for my ultrasound I had Hannah come with me because I had just drank 32 ounces of water for a clearer picture of the baby. I knew when the baby didn't look very clear that something was not right. And then, the tech had me hold my breath while she took pictures. I remember starting to cry, but trying not to. When she was done, she told me that she did not see a heartbeat, but she was sending the pictures to the radiologists. They came back confirming that there was no heartbeat and I had miscarried the baby. They got me in a wheel chair and I went up to the OB department to talk to a doctor. I saw Dr. Charles and I thought she was not very sensitive at all. I asked for another ultrasound there, which I got. And, I asked to be referred to somewhere off-post for a second opinion. At this point, I was denying that this was actually happening because I had read online that sometimes at second opinions they say that the baby has not actually died. So, the next day I went to The Women's Health Group in Manhattan and had an ultrasound. They confirmed that I had miscarried. I saw Dr. Priddle and he gave me two choices: take medicine to push the baby out, or get a D and C guided with an ultrasound (D and E). I chose the D and E and scheduled it for the next day. After we (Hannah and Farrah came with me) got done with the ultrasound and scheduling, I called my mom who was in North Carolina on a genealogy trip with my dad. She caught a plane that day and arrived in Manhattan a few hours later after riding two hours in a van that taxied people from the KC airport to Manhattan, Ft. Riley, and Junction City. She came with her toothbrush, contact holder, contact solution, and another pair of underwear in her purse. I showed up at the hospital the next day at 5am to get prepped. It was a nervous wait. Then the nurse took me back, started giving me an IV, I was given a Valium because I was nervous, and then I just laughed after I got that. The nurses made fun of me because I laughed so much. I don't really remember anything else until I was back in the room. Mom came in, then Farrah showed up, and Hannah came, too, with flowers. My nurse was really great at getting me all that I needed and Hannah fed me crackers and water when I needed it. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I was really unstable, but the nurse helped me down the hall. I remember that I was amazed at how much blood there was. They had me in a hospital gown and they gave me mesh panties to wear to hold the pad in place. I was able to go home about an hour later. I can't remember how long Mom stayed after that, but she encouraged me not to take any of the Percocet that I had been prescribed. I got a lot of bouquets of flowers during that time including one from Caleb. Also, people came over with meals for me which I can't be thankful enough for. Two weeks later I saw Dr. Priddle again (and Hannah came along). I had another ultrasound since I was still bleeding. He told me that I needed another D and C to remove the blood. Again, I went in the next day to get it done. This time I went to the building next to the hospital. Danelle drove me this time and Farrah met me there when I was in recovery. I got a Valium that time, too and I remember seeing Dr. Priddle in the OR, but after that I forget until I woke up. I hated that I couldn't sleep afterward because they had an O2 monitor on me. After that surgery, I stopped bleeding. When I saw Dr. Priddle that time, he gave me the report on my baby that they found when they did testing. It turns out that my baby was Triploidy, meaning that it had 69 chromosomes instead of a normal 46. I scheduled a visit to the genetic counselor in Omaha, NE that corresponded to when I went to Nebraska for Thanksgiving.

November: I went through a time of grief. I cried to Caleb online that I didn't want to live because I wanted to be with my baby. Hannah gave me a little book that her mom had gotten about miscarriage and it really helped explain things in a Biblical sense and it helped me to recover a bit. I went to Thanksgiving in Nebraska. The genetic counselor told me that my baby was XXY meaning that genotypically it would have been a boy, but phenotypically it could have been a girl. Caleb and I named her Hope. When I got back, I saw Dr. Priddle again and he told me that I was healed up and could go on with life normally and to come back if I needed anything.

December: On November 30 (my last visit to Dr. Priddle), I weighed 188 pounds. On December 1, I met with a personal trainer (Ben) for the first time. After that I met with him every Tuesday and Thursday. Hannah had baby Amelia on December 14th and I got to be in the room with her! I held her leg and took pictures during the birth. It was a lot of fun. Hannah didn't cry, but I did. Abby had her baby (Avery) the next day. I watched their two dogs for a few days while they spent most of the time at the hospital with her since she came 5 weeks early. I went home for Christmas.

January: Six weeks after I started seeing my personal trainer twice a week, I had lost 10 pounds! My goal was to lose 53 pounds total. I made out a goal sheet. I wanted to lose 10 pounds every month so that I could complete my goal by the time Caleb got to come home for R and R.

February and March: Pretty uneventful that I can remember. I started physical therapy for knee pain. Hannah and Abby took me out for a girl's day on March 25th since that was when my due date was supposed to be. I had manicures and pedicures with Hannah and then the three of us went to the mall in Topeka. It was a fun day, although I don't remember what, if anything, I bought! A few days later, I went to Lee's Summit, MO to buy a new car for us: a Toyota Rav4. It is red and awesome!

April: Jean had people over for a Passover Seder dinner. It was a lot of fun to learn about that different culture and the food was really good... minus the horseradish sandwich! I turned 23 on the 2nd. It was kind of sad because my birthday was a week after my due date. Caleb also sent me a link about a job at Kansas State working in a lab. I decided to apply for it although I was scared. I also had knee surgery in Wichita on the 29th. Hannah came with me and drove me home... she also helped me fill out paperwork while I was falling asleep from the drugs they gave me. That morning I was 136 pounds... 1 pound away from my overall goal!! The nurses were concerned about my heartbeat before the surgery. This was the second time in two weeks that someone had commented on my heart, so they recommended that I see a cardiologist when I got home and healed a bit. That day, I got a phone call saying that I got a phone interview with Dr. Hesse for the job at Kansas State. After I got home from the hospital, I couldn't walk on my leg and I was helped a lot by Danelle, Hannah, and Courtney. Again, people brought me meals and they were very much appreciated. The day after the surgery, I called Dr. Hesse back for the phone interview and I was still on Oxycodone! I told him this right off and he said he would give me the benefit of the doubt. I didn't hear back from him for a few weeks, but I thought that the interview had gone well.

May: I got down to 135 pounds! I got to meet the Secretary of Defense on our wedding anniversary because he was having a spouse town hall meeting at the headquarters building. I got a picture with him and 2 coins from him (one for Caleb and one for me). I got an interview with Dr. Hesse and the rest of his lab while I was still walking with one crutch. I was one of four people that they were interviewing. I went down to Wichita to have a check up after knee surgery and I had to get a stitch put in one of my ports since it was still draining and they didn't want me to get an infection. I went to Express afterward to get a dress for when Caleb came home for R and R and I almost passed out in one of their dressing rooms. I got to know two of their managers because of that and got a pretty good discount that day. I had to go back to the Dr. after I was done at Express so I could get an antibiotic. When I got there, I heard on the news that really bad storms were coming through between Wichita and Manhattan. I tracked the storm for a while, got gas, and decided to stay the night with Kim Smith. That was a lot of fun! And, I was able to get my car into a garage so I didn't get hail damage. Caleb came home for R and R at the end of May. When I went down to get my stitch taken out, it was still leaking (they had used too big of material to put the stitch in), so they took it out, covered it with some gauze-like stuff (since I lived so far away), and they gave me a knee brace to lock my knee in place and help it heal. On our way down to Wichita that day, Dr. Hesse called me to tell me that I had gotten the job! Caleb took my to a bed and breakfast in Manhattan to celebrate our anniversary. We ate dinner at Harry's which was really good food. And, the breakfast at the place was also very good. For his last lunch before he left, we went to Della Voce. They had a really cheap lunch special that we got and their cheesecake was amazing!

June: I had gained 6 pounds while Caleb was home! I worked on losing that weight after he left. I also started my job on the 14th. Sookie would go over to Danelle's house during the day to play with Pan and BB so she wasn't stuck in her kennel all day.

July: For the second year in a row, I didn't go see fireworks. I stayed home, watched TV, and enjoyed my three day weekend! I watched Pan and BB for Danelle and Richard while they were on vacation.

August: Caleb came home for good (for now) on the 6th. I had to pick him up at 4am... so I got there at 12:30am. I started going to evening PWOC on Tuesdays, and we started going to early church. Caleb likes going to early church since we get home earlier and we can go to the store before we get really hungry. I have personal training on Tuesdays and Sundays now. The evening PWOC is after my personal training. I get dinner there and so far it has been fun.

I think that that's all that happened this year since I last posted. Hope you enjoyed it! I will try to post more often now. :)

Monday, September 28, 2009

14 weeks

I have finally told everyone closely related! Now I can tell the whole world!

I went back to the doctor on Friday because I thought that something was wrong with MY heart. Turns out that I am just stressed... like my mom said! But, he did find the baby's heartbeat on the doppler! I recorded it. Now I can listen to it whenever I want to!

(I was hoping to be able to put the heartbeat on here. I have it in an .exe file and a .wav file. If anyone knows how I can get it onto here, that would be great!)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

13 weeks

Today, I am 14 weeks. I am really forgetting to post something during the label week of these posts!

I went to the doctor on Monday. My blood pressure was 161/84 the first time they took it and 156/88 the second time they took it, so it is high. My weight is 185.2 lbs, so I haven't gained any since a month ago. Then, when they tried to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler the PA student couldn't find it and neither could the midwife. So, they brought in the ultrasound machine. Luckily, they were able to see the heartbeat on the monitor, and the midwife said that it looked good. It was pretty much the scariest moment of my life!

Then, they made me go to the lab to get a jug. I had to collect my urine for 24 hours. The midwife wanted to get a baseline for protein since protein in urine and high blood pressure can mean preeclampsia. This is SO scary for me especially since I am not showing very much still.

Caleb is doing good in Iraq. I get to instant message him almost every night since he has gotten to Iraq, and I have gotten to use the webcam with him twice now. I really LOVE getting to see him!

Sookie is doing great! We started basic obedience classes on Monday, and she did really good. We also have one of her puppy friends over (a 9-month-old pug) a few days a week. It really wears her out!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

12 weeks

I am 13 weeks tomorrow!! That means: I AM OUT OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER!! I have been craving junk food. I know that I am not supposed to, but it is all SO good! (I made a pot roast tonight to get my veggies for today!)

Caleb made it to Iraq. So, now the "real" deployment starts!

Sookie is doing good. She is getting spayed in a few weeks. I should not be worried about her because I know she will be okay from working at a vet's office. It is just a lot harder to do when it is YOUR doggie!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

11 weeks

I am actually 12 weeks today, but I am going to tell you what happened this past week. I went home for Labor Day weekend. It was a lot of fun! My sister, Rachel, and I went to the Mizzou vs. Illinois football game. (Mizzou won 37-9! YAY!!) I have started not being able to eat things that I normally love. It is getting really difficult to find something that I want to eat when it is time for me to eat. Other than that, everything is still the same. I am still not showing yet.

Caleb is doing good. He is still in Kuwait and pretty bored. He calls me every few days and emails me usually every day. I am doing good with him being gone so far, so hopefully it keeps going good!